Beenie is our resident biter. There is nothing cute or important or good in this act and it absolutely infuriates me. She bites Mimi. Her sweet (though recently a little bit rotten) sister. I won’t go into the multiple bite sites of the past. Well, maybe. The worst was Mimi’s cheek, which left a blue bruise for a week, there’s been a shoulder bite and many arm and hand and finger bites. Each time Beenie is removed from the scene of the crime, verbally reprimanded– “NO! YOU CANNOT BITE MIMI OR ANYONE ELSE. IT MAKES HER CRY AND IT HURTS HER! YOU NEED TO SIT HERE (someplace away from other people) AND CALM DOWN BECAUSE YOU CANNOT PLAY WITH PEOPLE IF YOU BITE THEM.” Something along those lines. Once, on a particularly bad day I grabbed her hand and pressed my own teeth, the top row, into her hand, not really hurting her, but with enough pressure so that she maybe could fathom why this would be an unpleasant thing to do. She seemed to acknowledge that I didn’t want her to do this, and referred to this event in future discussions. But after a few weeks the incidents came back. Not every day, but only her.
I have a lot of anxiety on this subject of biting. What I want to do is bite her arm really hard to shock her into some kind of epiphany of why this is WRONG. But then I read a bunch of stuff about toddler biting and it is stressed that I cannot condone the use of teeth as a weapon, even as an illustrative tool. I’m not going to hit her or Mimi for any reason. This doesn’t mean my gut instinct isn’t going in that direction sometimes, but it’s just not going to happen. It’s ugly to hit your children. Unless they try to kill you, but I’m hoping things won’t come to that point.
This morning she bit Mimi’s little finger so hard it left deep toothmarks. The were sitting in their high chairs eating brekky peacefully, I thought, and then it happened and breakfast was ruined for everyone. Mimi of course was totally traumatized and could barely inhale the eggs I made for them both. She remained traumatized for almost the entire morning, screaming and just being really bummed out. I can relate. At one point I, too, had to cry. I didn’t get any breakfast, and I didn’t get any coffee, the latter of which could drive any sane person to tears. I just felt so helpless and so overwhelmed by this extremely negative behavior from someone I have a lot of respect for and unending love and devotion for 99% of the time. Shit, I take it personally! Especially when the bitee is my other darling daughter whom I also have unending love, devotion and respect for 99% of the time (except when she cruelly pulls her sister’s hair and skin and pulls my hair and earrings really hard).
When Mimi gets into a state of extremely bad behavior, which she’s been indulging in recently quite a bit, when it is directed at Beenie there’s a part of me that says, “Well, Beenie, you’ve got it coming. Payback is a bitch.” I really do think that since she’s been bullying her sister for months now and Mimi is just now starting to get her proverbial cahones. But then I have to step up and discipline Mimi for her own bad behavior. “No Mimi! NO PULLING HAIR! DON’T SCRATCH BEENIE’S SKIN! That makes her cry and can hurt her.”
Remember the post a few days back, something about how sometimes this is easy? Well, I take it back. Today was shite and I’m exhausted and it’s only 1:40 in the afternoon. At least they went down for their nap. Thank goodness. Maybe this time in baby la la land will help to erase the evil of this morning and set things up for a pleasurable afternoon. Hope springs eternal.