That’s how much time I’ve got left before wake-up time. There are a number of things I could/should do with that precious time:
- empty the dishwasher
- empty washing machine/fill dryer/hang up clothes
- look for a job
- try to be a good wife, mother and hausfrau
I would rather continue doing what I’ve been doing for the past hour and a half, however, which involves:
- eating potato chips
- eating brownies
- drinking coffee
- researching USB condenser mics online
- looking up cabbage soup recipes
- thinking about Camera Morte and all of the possibilities
Now there’s only fifteen minutes left. I was able to get started on my first Camera Morte painting this past tuesday afternoon. Parents came up for the day, and after I ran some errands and hung with a good friend in the morning, I went to 4Horseshoes studio and painted for a whole hour and a half! It may not sound like much, but I’d say in the past six months I have not been able to work in the studio for more than 45 minutes at a time due to cold and time constraints. An hour and a half was glorious and exciting. Also problematic, as it sets the stage for much dissapointment in the coming months when the weather is warmer and I am unable to get away to work on paintings. Butcha know what? Plenty of people get by just fine on much less freedom and and time than I get, so I can just shut up. I am grateful for any time and am so lucky to have a place outside the house to paint once the thaw is complete and it is finally spring. Artwork will be created this year, no matter what.
Now there are ten minutes. I will get up from this computer in a moment, after I find an appropriate image to use with this post, do the chores that require my attention and rustle me up some toddlers. Maybe I’ll even bathe them! Now that would be novel.
20 Fingers, 20 Toes 
Mmm. Brownies and Potato Chips. Quite a combo.
I support however you choose to use your time. Anyone that questions it can answer to me.
xo
Herein lies the rub:
“Butcha know what? Plenty of people get by just fine on much less freedom and and time than I get, so I can just shut up.”
Sure, intellectually. But there is also no denying that the enormous and totally respected sacrifices you make are a serious blow to the used-to-be you who found joy in days of endless painting.
So sure it’s hard to be too boistrous in the wistful department. But it’s also pretty hard to deny the genuine, heartfelt wist.
that’s one of the most annoying things there is — the constant balance the universe throws in my face. yes, of course i miss painting for many many hours, many days per week. but it is hard to wallow in my lack of artistic expression when all these people around me are being laid-off and have health problems. i think i write it down so as to quell any sort of karmic retaliation. Karma says, “soooo… you think you have it bad, eh? well, i’ll give you something to cry about!” that sort of thing. i’m a victim of instant karma, so gotta watch my back! haha.