Hello quiet new year. 2009 is peaceful and gray so far. Leafless branches gently sway in the fortysomething occasional gusts. Toddlers sniffle and snooze. Spouse is back to work today, and this means the mess in the house remains until the absolute last minute. Back to normal. He’s a bit of a neatnick, feels like he has to empty the dishwasher when he gets up in the morning, finds shelves that need dusting to obsess over… let’s just say that the past week and a half of “vacation” has involved me working harder than I usually like to. Sure, the house looks organized and orderly, but it may take me a month just to get back to focusing on the finer things in life, like art, music, video, child rearing, etc. Creative endeavors. SELFISH endeavors. SHELLFISH endeavors. Mmmmm… shellfish…
The silence in my house today is such that I was able to hear Slinky the cat snortle behind my head just now. I’m feeling hopeful, as I always do at the beginning of a new year. I mailed off an application for a small, local individual arts grant this past Saturday, which always makes me feel good. A friend’s mother, who is really cool, wants to give me some part time computer work, so maybe I can have a little income and another thing to put on my thinning resume for when it is time to get back to the full-time work world.
I can’t imagine feeling more separated from that world. Offices, cubes, coffee machines, get there at nine, leave at five, co-worker gossip, sitting in front of a computer eating snacks all day type situation. I just can’t. It is hard for me to believe this is what I will be immersed in this time next year, but according to the master plan, the plan where I become an income-earner again and stop raising my daughters full-time, this is exactly where I will be. Should be a curious transition. A complicated one. I sort of look forward to the change, and also kind of dread it all at the same time. I would much prefer a number of huge arts grants to tide me over for another year while I line up a book deal, then can live a far more humane and glamorous lifestyle. It is important to have a rich fantasy life.
This morning Beenie and Mimi threw down a marathon mind-blowing drawing party while I attempted to read yesterday’s NY Times Magazine. They are producing some fantastic (in my own, completely unbiased opinion) masterpieces. I LOVE watching them discover color and shape and mark making. I am inspired and humbled. Nothing can compete with a completely unfettered approach to a piece of paper with a crayon.