Pre or post?

Not quite sure what I am doing at the moment, other than working hard at being a good mother. The end of something, the beginning of something, simultaneously all and everything at once. A limbo of sorts. Having a “the universe is at work and I’m just along for the ride” vibe. Really. In my experience, when the universe is at work, things are easiest when I don’t interfere too much. If I were a religious person, I would say that God is taking the reins for a bit, but I’m not religious.

• told potential employer at job interview that I am not the right person for the job
• had said potential employer call me back for a second interview
• have had an unusual amount of time to focus on painting — life affirming
• found a lovely, within walking distance preschool for the ladies that had two openings for the exact 3 day program I want the them to attend
• need to have a part-time job to pay for preschool
• can’t do anything until something can be worked out with possible job

The second job interview was funny. The two men, who are definitely in weird subtle ‘good cop/bad cop’ roles laughed when I said I thought it was strange that they called me back after I told them I didn’t think I was right for the job. Then they said they were glad they didn’t scare me away after the first interview. I told them I was surprised I wasn’t scared off, too. That kind of interview. Friendly, welcoming. They said they really wanted to work with me, on my terms (i.e. the hours I could work, which is part-time, if I can squeeze them into preschool). But then I told them how much I needed to earn to have all of this be a reality and there was a silence — my rate was more than double the amount they were offering. Hey, I’m not making any money, here, just earning enough to put them in nursery school three mornings and a few afternoons a week. Nobody’s getting rich, I’m just hoping to dip my slightly Raynaud’s diseased toes in the pool of the gainfully employed wa-wa a few days a week while my darling girls get a little independence from Mama and I gets a little from them. This doesn’t have to be drastic. But someone has to make a commitment at some point to something, otherwise nothing will happen.

I may have to unwrap my Tarot cards and find out what’s really going on.