pee+poo=purple candy!

Strange, troglodyte grafitti viewed from the L train in Chicago...
Strange, troglodyte grafitti viewed from the L train in Chicago...

Purple, grape flavored jelly beans: this is how I’ve been bribing Mimi and Beenie to use the potty. They used to do it because it was novel. They took pride in being able to cause such a stir in the bathroom. They did it because I cheered and told them how great they were. Then they got lazy or the novelty wore off for them. So, as my parents did for me on numerous occasions, I turned to bribery. I don’t think it is correct to refer the giving of candy or stickers or any object for completing a task a ‘reward’. Let’s call a bribe a bribe. It is nothing to be ashamed of. My parents used to bribe the hell out of my brother, sister and I. And I will do the same with my own crazed pink sparkly beasts. If that makes me a bad parent, so be it. I don’t care, I couldn’t possibly be working any harder at something I’m so supposedly mediocre at.

Mid-day appears to be the time for four purple candies… meaning each girl produces a pee and a poo in short order. Sometimes separate “goings” to the toilet. First they pee pee, wipe, wash hands. Then the poops come, then wipes of bums, then more hand washings. Lots of time spent on the ritual of potty time clean up. I’m cleaning so many mysterious splashes of liquid from the floor lately, it is as if there are intermittent rain showers in the bathroom. I know it isn’t rain, tho, you can’t fool me.

Naptime is still on a hiatus. I haven’t written it off entirely. I can usually plan to have them pass out in the back seat of the car if we are out driving past 2 p.m. on any given day. In fact, Beenie noted a recent ritual of going to a drive-thru Starbucks in Towson, MD… She said, as I was, in fact, on my way to said Starfuckers for my $3 something soy latte and an oatmeal raisin cookie for her and Mimi to share… “Mama, I want you to drive to the window and give money and get the really yummy cookie.” Am I so predictable? Are parents of toddlers actually more slaves to schedule than the toddlers themselves? That would be a big YES on this end.


  1. First, what another fabulous bonus to having twinsies: the ginormous pastries that bakeries serve are much more reasonable for two toddlers to share than for my one over-sugared kid to cram down his craw.

    Second, I thought when you said “crazed pink sparkly beasts” that you had crazed pink sparkly breasts. And I was gonna ask how one gets a pair such as those…

    Bribes, rewards, whatever. If it gets you through the day and out of diapers, no harm no foul. Heck, offer ’em whatever is necessary. Though, it seems, you and I always disagree on purple and its relative deliciousness…blech.

  2. c’mon! blueberries turn purple. dontcha like blueberries? and, well, now that you mention it, maybe i should investigate some sparkly pink breasts… couldn’t hurt, right?

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