Yeah, that’s right. Watch out! I was informed this morning as I shoe-horned my daughters into the car to go to school, I’m a double space hog. It didn’t seem that way when I parked on my street yesterday afternoon, when there were almost no other cars parked, but apparently it became a fact by the time someone wrote me a note (above) late last night or early this morning. I wonder who has time to write a note for a parked car… Shit, I can barely get the two people I’m responsible for from our car to the house, which is usually not more than a twenty foot distance. I wish I had time to write notes for people’s cars. It isn’t as if I drove over the sidewalk and stopped on someone’s front lawn, then poured myself onto their lawn drunk and passed out in my own vomit. Somehow, over the course of the day, when the street went from virtually empty of parked cars to the usual jam-packed by the end of the night, my car was left with a space in front of or behind it, and that warranted someone saying something.
Dear Note-Leaver,
Thanks for your courteous note, asking me not to take up two parking spaces. Were you watching me from your window all day, noticing how cars were pulling in and pulling out of the finite areas in front of our row houses? Do you think our cars should be able to tuck into line behind and in front of one another the way our row houses do? The houses stay in the same place, day in, day out, but the cars, they come and go. As do the people on our block. Well, everyone but you, who sits quietly in your house, watching to see if the most efficient use of street space is being observed. Which car is yours? The minute you notice if too much space has opened up in front of your parked car, do you run outside and scooch it up a few feet? Probably. I was wondering, since you’re paying so much attention to this situation, the impossibly impossible parking situation on our street, if you would mind coming by, giving me a friendly heads up that I could be doing a better job, making enough room for as many cars to be jammed in a row as possible, in front of our houses. Or you could even give me a ring. Whatever is easiest for you. Leaving a note on my car window seems like too much work. You didn’t even have time to write out the word “PLEASE”.
Sincerely,
J. the hot MILF double space hog
20 Fingers, 20 Toes 
Pls. is obviously anal-retentive. And, I suspect, male.
I got a note the other morning.
“You’re blocking my driveway. Move by 10:15.”
Then, as I got in my car a few minutes before 9, I got yelled at, You’re blocking my driveway. Can’t you see. I was about to call the cops. I can’t get out.
Bitch was angry.
I was in the red but definitely NOT blocking her driveway.
I apologized and left. And don’t ever want to park there again.
Gotta love the crazy neighbors that leave notes.
Must be something in the air or the planets. When there are no lines to park by, the parallel parking sometimes gets outta whack — everyone knows that! Happens on my street all the time. I park behind some honking big truck and then when he leaves, it looks like I parked in the wrong spot. People need to relax a bit.
Here in Troy, NY, you apparently used to be able to have a car towed if it was parked in front of your house ON A PUBLIC STREET! Visitors would come back to find their car gone. They’d call the cops to report it stolen only to be informed that it had been towed. Finally, someone in the city administration with a bit of sense realized that it’s hard to promote tourism if you’re towing the tourists cars all the time. CrAZytOwn USA. But when I moved onto Liberty St last October, my kooky landlady gave me a phone number and told me to have cars towed if they were parked for “too long” out front. As though I’m peeping through the blinds keeping track….What is this? Baltimore??
First of all, I love that you use hot MILF to drive traffic. Hilarious. And creepy society.
Second, I do believe you need to get into a quantum debate with the note leaver. To wit: why is *this* car the double space parker? Why is it not the car in front or in back of me? Why, if my car is a fixed entitity (being, as it is, parked) are you not leaving notes on the cars around me, asking them to snug up next time? How do you know that my car is not just uber-compact, and therefore barely fills one space, leaving a lot of extra that would *seem* to make it a double space hog, but is, in reality, a giant space giver? I am a giver, dammit.
I recommend you write one note now and put it on your windshield every time you park: “Parked at 9:30 this morning on virtually empty street. If it seems as though I’m using two spaces, you need to commission the city to paint space markers so you can see how wrong, terribly wrong, egregiously wrong, really, stupidly wrong, you really are.” It will be useful in all manner of situations, and you can just put it in your glove compartment for safe keeping when you’re not parked.
Also, remind me to think of a whole diatribe about how you’re creative and using white space well, unlike those terrible conformist row parkers.
i like the pre-made note idea. pre-emptivenotes.com. where’s the billion dollars? probably coming from the next hot milfs post. bring it. why can’t money be easy?
Glad to find your blog (visiting from Kate’s Evolution). You sound like my kind of mom.
But you really are a HOT MILF! It’s not just for ratings.
I can’t even tell you how irritating that would be. Like you said how does he (yes I agree with TKW) know what was really going on, was he watching? It just like when you pull in a parking space next to someone that parked the line on darn close, so you compensate for in by pulling in away from it. Then you come out of the store & the other car is gone and you look like the jerk who parked all cattywampus in the first place. Yeah, that’s always fun. But I just can;t imagine leaving a not on anyones car unless they dented yours and you could definitly tell.
I’m viviting via TKW and I like your blog, I will be back 🙂