Am I Dead?

This is the question I posed to my husband as I awakened this morning, after a disturbing dream where I had died and was speaking with or listening to people I had been close to in my life. I was able to communicate with my husband, overheard a phone conversation betwixt my father and sister, as if I were the phone. I woke up crying — I am SO not ready to be dead. This dream is lingering with me today. I spent extra attentive time with the girls this morning. I love them so much, it would be so horrible to leave this existence before I could watch them grow up and live full human lives. Our time here is so short. Maybe I should give up dairy. I put a little Havarti cheese in my dinner salad last night, and my Scottish friend Gillian says cheese gives you nightmares. I have had this experience with the cheese, along with very physical reactions to it, in the form of sinus and upper respiratory issues. Should I just say goodbye? Is it time to say goodbye to cheese? I don’t know if I’m ready yet. But maybe I should try to prepare myself for this. Woah.

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