December Eve

Time keeps moving. Not sure if it is forward or backward. All I know is there are still little lines around my eyes, a few more than there were six months ago, which is when I last posted something here.

Yes, I am certain I will retire 20fingers20toes. Its time came and went, pretty much tied to when I was home full-time with my once small, non-English speaking toddlers. This went on for 2-3 years before I shipped my little ones off to pre-school, then elementary school and I started working a 40 hour per week job. I am glad to have a job. I was glad to have had the time to work with my growing children when we were running the marathon that is very early childhood. But those chapter book reading, amazing art creating, singing, fighting, drama filled 8 year-olds don’t need me writing about them and their trials and tribulations. There aren’t enough hours in the day for such things once homework and dinner and baths and books and all of it must be completed. And I am not desperate to connect with the outside world regarding child-rearing and the collapse of my identity like I was back in 2008. That old identity is dead — long live whatever seems like the current one until something else changes the trajectory of this one. Control is an illusion, and I have no illusion of being in control of anything. I’d say there was a solid three-four years of focus on 20/20, here with you. I’m okay with that. Thank you for that connection.

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